[ Yamada gives her a wry smile that silently says he could take her, too. Or at least isn’t concerned she’d go that extreme for a scuffle.
If he believes it, well, he likes to mess with people too. ]
Yeah, you don't have to because if you're very nice and ask politely I will do it for you. [ He says matter of factly. He’s got everything needed set out, and the arms move in a hypnotic dance as they set to work. Making the mix, the dusting coating, glugging out the oil. ] But if you're extremely nice I can teach you, if you like.
[ After a final flash of her best menacing smile she just shrugs. Just like flipping a switch she's got a much less menacing normal looking expression on her face. ]
You would? What if I wanted it on a milkshake? [ If she asked really nicely would he make her a special ganache milkshake??? These are the important questions out there. She's also slowly strutting over to watch what he's doing. Maybe she's curious. ]
[ Either look is fine for him- he might morph one of those ‘sorry, I only date girls who stab me’ shirts to see if she shanks him. Stabs are the easiest fixes.
Only. If. You're. Nice. [ He emphasises, his eyes moving from pair to pair to pair of hands, quick glimpses at Jeff and Illyana. Then dusting and dipping sauce are already done- he’s squeezing the batter into a piping bag. It spares a hand to wag a finger. ] To me. When you're a wicked little imp to others, I’ll probably join in.
[ I mean, he joins in when she’s mean to him too, and hopes she never stops entirely. ]
[ Don't push her too much, she might see what happens when he's stabbed with a soulsword. Does it just go through?? Does it hurt??? Who knows. The world is a mystery. ]
Nice is boring. [ And also not her job! Piotr is the nice sibling not her. ] I find it insulting to be compared to an imp. It's rude, right Jeff? [ Yeah he doesn't care, he's focused too much on watching the magic of cooking happen. Traitor. ]
[ He has much experimenting to do! A little stabbing never hurt no body! ]
Nothing is boring if it’s new. [ Now he’s ready to start squeezing the batter out, he has four spare hands. He holds out a spoon used to mix the dipping sauce and another used to crush and mix the dusting. Observers get to lick the spoons but he lets Jeff pick first. Because he is a good guy. ] And besides, you're cute when you're nice.
[ Jeff treats this like the decision of the century and Illyana nudges him to urge him on. Which he hmphs about. Whatever Jeff. Pick faster, she's got a lost childhood to make to for by eating unhealthy things.
Jeff finally chooses the dusting and scampers off to enjoy it away from her. Does he suspect she might try to trade or steal? Rude.
But she takes what's left and licks it without abandon. Gotta enjoy things when the chance comes. ]
[ Yamada watches Jeff skedaddle off with the spoon, smiling at the scene despite being pretty sure he ain't getting that spoon back. Or if he does, it’ll be pretty chewed up.
He turns back to Illyana, one hand giving a ‘no no’ finger wag, while he turns another into metal and dips a finger into the oil. Satisfied with the temperature, it’s sizzle time! He squeezes the first churro into the oil and PSSSFT crickcrickcrick. Such a satisfying sound. ]
I have. [ He pauses, scratching his chin with a spare hand. ] Not to me, admittedly.
Continuing to lick she shuffles over to watch the churro go in. Yes, getting closer to the end results. To what she's been waiting for. What she clearly deserves that Jeff cruelly stole from her!!! ]
[ Yamada just points at Jeff. She cannot deny she treats him like the baby he is, or at least her version. Well, she can, but his knowing smile makes it clear that’s pointless. It was extremely cute and wholesome and made him want to give her a pat on the head. ]
[ She can and she will in fact deny this. ] I was just trying to get my churros and Bamfy back. That he viciously stole! [ She tosses a look towards Jeff. Viciously! ]
I will! [ So there! She definitely doesn't sound like a kid right there for just a moment. Very mature Queen and adult. But she does look over at Jeff, who looks up with big giant landshark eyes. ]
You viciously stole my Bamfy. Vicious.
[ And now Jeff looks a little bit sad and is shaking his head because he didn't do that!! ]
I think that's more of a description of events than meanness.
[ But because Yamada is a big softy really, he pulls the first churro out with his metal hand, and rolls it in the dusting and tosses it artfully to Jeff. No sadness with churros. ]
[ At that Jeff jumps up and then looks over at Yamada like he was just kicked. Beaten. Destroyed. Shot through the heart. He falls over and puts his flippers to his heart. ]
Look at what you just did! He thinks you meant it
*slams hands on desk* nooo i should have said churrge
[ He doesn't. He’s just messing, but he adds a biting of a churro with a nice crunch as he watches. He wants to see if she’ll comfort Jeff, even a smidge. ]
[ The only reason she catches the churro and eats it is because she wants a churro. Then she continues eating it because it's good. Damn him that it's good. ]
[ Yamada counts off the points on the fingers of a spare hand, looking happily smug. At least he plonks a new churro down with each point too. ]
Terror. Temperamental. Food motivated. Adorable. Apparently, my problem.
[ He doesn't mind any of this. She keeps his life interesting, and escaping his endlessly dull life has given him a craving for it. He used to do it to avoid getting hurt, and still has a lot of those defences. But a silly spooky cutie threatening to do bizarre things to him every five minutes? Who would have guessed that was a gap in his armour? ]
[ Now her hands are going to her hips and her eyes are narrowed at him so much that they might as well be closed. The temptation to do something terrible is rising. ]
I'm not your Jeff. [ She won't deny the things he listed though... ]
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If he believes it, well, he likes to mess with people too. ]
Yeah, you don't have to because if you're very nice and ask politely I will do it for you. [ He says matter of factly. He’s got everything needed set out, and the arms move in a hypnotic dance as they set to work. Making the mix, the dusting coating, glugging out the oil. ] But if you're extremely nice I can teach you, if you like.
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You would? What if I wanted it on a milkshake? [ If she asked really nicely would he make her a special ganache milkshake??? These are the important questions out there. She's also slowly strutting over to watch what he's doing. Maybe she's curious. ]
Only if I'm nice?
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Only. If. You're. Nice. [ He emphasises, his eyes moving from pair to pair to pair of hands, quick glimpses at Jeff and Illyana. Then dusting and dipping sauce are already done- he’s squeezing the batter into a piping bag. It spares a hand to wag a finger. ] To me. When you're a wicked little imp to others, I’ll probably join in.
[ I mean, he joins in when she’s mean to him too, and hopes she never stops entirely. ]
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Nice is boring. [ And also not her job! Piotr is the nice sibling not her. ] I find it insulting to be compared to an imp. It's rude, right Jeff? [ Yeah he doesn't care, he's focused too much on watching the magic of cooking happen. Traitor. ]
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Nothing is boring if it’s new. [ Now he’s ready to start squeezing the batter out, he has four spare hands. He holds out a spoon used to mix the dipping sauce and another used to crush and mix the dusting. Observers get to lick the spoons but he lets Jeff pick first. Because he is a good guy. ] And besides, you're cute when you're nice.
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Jeff finally chooses the dusting and scampers off to enjoy it away from her. Does he suspect she might try to trade or steal? Rude.
But she takes what's left and licks it without abandon. Gotta enjoy things when the chance comes. ]
Lies. You've never seen me nice.
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He turns back to Illyana, one hand giving a ‘no no’ finger wag, while he turns another into metal and dips a finger into the oil. Satisfied with the temperature, it’s sizzle time! He squeezes the first churro into the oil and PSSSFT crickcrickcrick. Such a satisfying sound. ]
I have. [ He pauses, scratching his chin with a spare hand. ] Not to me, admittedly.
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Continuing to lick she shuffles over to watch the churro go in. Yes, getting closer to the end results. To what she's been waiting for. What she clearly deserves that Jeff cruelly stole from her!!! ]
When? Who was I being nice to?
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[ There is absolutely zero ways to interpret that as acceptance of her statement. The insistently pointing hand points even harder. ]
Say something mean to Jeff. Look him in the eyes and say something mean.
[ As he speaks, his metal hand delicately arranges the frying churros as they float in the oil, rolling them to make sure they're even. ]
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You viciously stole my Bamfy. Vicious.
[ And now Jeff looks a little bit sad and is shaking his head because he didn't do that!! ]
Look now you made Jeff sad.
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[ But because Yamada is a big softy really, he pulls the first churro out with his metal hand, and rolls it in the dusting and tosses it artfully to Jeff. No sadness with churros. ]
And that you held back was a type of kindness.
[ He’s just messing with her now. ]
i now want churros ridiculously bad
[ As a manipulation tactic that worked because he just got a churro. the first one too. Jeff is a master. ]
So it must have been mean, not kind.
call that the churraving
[ He says reasonably, and starts to roll out other examples as they are ready, pushing three towards Illyana as he pipes out more. ]
hahaha
Look at what you just did! He thinks you meant it
*slams hands on desk* nooo i should have said churrge
[ He doesn't. He’s just messing, but he adds a biting of a churro with a nice crunch as he watches. He wants to see if she’ll comfort Jeff, even a smidge. ]
missed opportunity right there!!!
[ Jeff looks up and then looks at Illyana with big shark puppy eyes at her. ]
Hmm, looking like he wants that...
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See. You're nice. You care about widdle sharkies.
[ Get cherished, loser! Yamada tosses another churro to Jeff, expecting that to settle the matter of meanness. ]
Sorry for using you as a pawn in my devious game, Jeff.
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[ Jeff is easily bought with churro's evidently. Spins around as he catches it in a little Jeff dance. He will call it his churro dance. ]
Time to find out what kind of weapon your soul would make
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So, basically, Jeff is to you as you are to me.
[ And with that he expertly extends a churro toward her mouth. The best one so far, darkly rich and crispy. Eat up. ]
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You can't compare me to Jeff!!
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Terror. Temperamental. Food motivated. Adorable. Apparently, my problem.
[ He doesn't mind any of this. She keeps his life interesting, and escaping his endlessly dull life has given him a craving for it. He used to do it to avoid getting hurt, and still has a lot of those defences. But a silly spooky cutie threatening to do bizarre things to him every five minutes? Who would have guessed that was a gap in his armour? ]
You're my Jeff.
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I'm not your Jeff. [ She won't deny the things he listed though... ]
I could teleport you back to the Dark Dimension.
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Give me a few ways you’re not my Jeff. I had a list.
[ His smile doesn't waver. ]
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